How satisfactory are your relationships?
Do you feel fulfilled in them? Whether it’s your family, acquittances or close friends?
The reason why I am asking is because some time ago I too had relationships which were ok.
I had a long names list in my phone, hundreds of friends on Facebook, long list of contact on WhatsApp and my Voxer was buzzing non-stop with new messages from peers, colleagues, friends and all that folks.
This is not a post about how I magically changed all my relationships. This is a different story.
This is about being completely honest with myself that even though I had all of that I was hiding.
I was running away from my family by living abroad (and there is of course not enough time to call, text or visit my family when I live hundred of kilometres away, working on my career). It was just too easy to find excuses why I am not more with them.
I had friends and would avoid them when it was convenient for me, always keeping myself busy so I always had another commitment to go to when things got tough.
This is not easy for me to say because I was super social. I always wanted to have friends and close relationships but needed to step away and hide because I could not take them. The relationships hurt me so much that it was easier for me to walk away and leave people behind to protect myself.
The one thing which I was always hiding was the deep pain cause by misunderstandings, harmful conversations, harsh words which would cut into the raw flash leaving me bleeding. As a super sensitive person and an empath this was my daily scenario.
I did not know better than to crawl away into my cave and lick my own wounds. Promising myself that the next time I will be stronger.
Only to discover that the next time was no different.
It took me long time to see what was going on.
Getting tough was not the answer. Letting the pain to crack open my heart was.
The thing which I wanted to protect myself so badly was the answer.
Letting it be, letting it hurt, allowing that which wanted to come through – to get through, made me free.
It’s one of the hardest things I had to do and still, going through it every day, sometimes feels like an ordeal.
I did not ask for it. I did not want it nor would I ever decide for it….. but
it’s been my path to healing and it made me strong.
So strong that now I have love for all of you.
Love you all, Andrea
